PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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