i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
