This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
