I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
