I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
