my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
home. puking in laundry basket.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
