Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
