Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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