All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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