Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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