Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's always time for handjobs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
