So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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