What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
