dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
