All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
