also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Actions speak louder than pants.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
