R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm jealous of your bromance
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
