she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
did i just pee glitter
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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