I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
