You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
