Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
