i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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