My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
