I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
