I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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