I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
