You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
