he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
