you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
