I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
