Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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