I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
