That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bring me that man meat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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