I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
