Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
