some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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