Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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