I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
