I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so much tequila, so little girl.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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