ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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