he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
