you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
