was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
