Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
