my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
