I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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