i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
