At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
