I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
whose parrot is this?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
