The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
