Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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