We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
